dream again?

again after praying subuh and slept on sejadah, i dreamt of you wearing a full suit of Baju Melayu with the samping and songkok, gold..which is so nice that u look like ure getting married and u smiled to me, still nothing changed, and my feelings will remain the same..

a poem?

a cloudy evening..and a cup of coffee..what cud be more wonderful,..

27-02-2009

just came back from the school and also to auntie shop, photocpy da handouts for next week., huh so tired.. my eyes are getitng sleepier but my brain still working things out especially u. dont knw y suddenly thinking of u..maybe cos my right eyes twitched a lot today, i also dnt knw why. See again it twitched, im so mad at myself, then i felt so bad at myself, that i may have done somethng wrong ppl call it as infidelity. Yeah my frens said i am doing it right now..and now here i am, crying again. I felt so bad doing it to you when im supposed not to. And i felt so bad that i have to live with someone i barely knew him now which is nt my 1st option. My life as a bachelorette will soon end, ,and i will live with him forever and ever ..Huh wat a thought...i really wish can end this now, but how?? by wishing to die faster? Or wishing that i'll be given another chance with u..(which is nt possible), and be grateful wit wat i had. Sory dear, i've done whatever i could do , but nothing can stop me thinking of u., oh God, take me into ur arms, cause i miss u so much and im afraid i will go against u, plz...the day is coming nearer, wont u let me go this time, then i can stay forever with u... Huh again the tears seem dont know how to stop...

All da best to u dear...

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déjà vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, ohhh

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

light on..

think of it..

Never really said too much
Afraid it wouldn't be enough
Just try to keep my spirits up
When there's no point in grieving
Doesn't matter anyway
Words could never make me stay
Words will never take my place
When you know I'm leaving

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone

You know we've been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don't know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that I have ever believed in

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone

Sometimes it feels like we've run out of luck
When the signal keeps on breaking up
When the wires cross in my brain
You'll start my heart again
When I come along

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone

04022009

Salam. Today is a good day but not really. Got a severe headache that make me really can't concentrate in the class. While it is good that i'm still alive despite the not so well feelings i have these few days. Really i cant forget him, that day when im sitting in the mosque in Batu Feringgi listening to the kuliah magrib, suddenly i shed some tears and felt that i really miss him.. and that made me wanted to ask him how is he doing at that time. And i got a good reply, which made i am really grateful that he's ok with his life. And that's juz enough for me to ease the worries i had before.
Do u know dear, i think i rather do not disturb u from that day onwards, coz now i know u can survive without me, as u mentioned before that u would be ok without me as if i never affected u in any ways. Well that's good, i rather suffered alone than letting others suffered bcos of me. Hmm i think this is the reason i chose him, as i dont want ppl to suffer bcos of me, and still u asked is it ur behaviour that made me chose him. When u hurt me wit ur words, i rather think that's not u saying it, that u r juz being honest. U see how postive my view towards u. u may nvr find a so optimistic lady like this in the future hehe. Well it may look not so important to u, but it is for me. When i defended someone wit all my heart, but i failed, it's really painful juz like ur holding somethg and u dropped it.
My Most Merciful God of the universe, i pray that you will forgive all my sins from the day i was born until now, if i have hurt many feelings of human being, you got to forgive me too, cos i am weak and even thou trying to be stronger, i am still a weak human being. My Lord, i wish that everybody will get their true love one day, and i mean spouses for each of them, that really fits their characters, attitudes, whether good or not that they really realize that they are made for each other. I hope you will grant this man a lady that is so good that one day he would forget me as he never met at all. Well it is not his fault to meet me this way, as im the one started all of this. And i really hope u will do so as soon as possible cos i really want to see him happy everyday by her side, certainly wit someone can take care of him. He is not so good with his routine, keep on skipping the meals and work all day, so you really got to save him from those things. Huh i have so many wishes that you already know cos u can read me, so i guess i dont have to write it more. I really want to ask u my Lord, why i cant get rid of this feelings until now, am i being so emotional, or am i being foolish to like someone for no reasons, are u trying to put a test on me so i will be more grateful in my life? But honestly this is a real test, sometimes im afraid of being unloyal to my husband one day, or i may juz exaggerating it huhu. Never mind, i'll do my best, like my lecturer said, buat sehabis baik.
It really feel good to write like this, i hope my pupils in the future will learn to be serious in writing and really fond of it. ( now suddenly my pupils as other character huhu ). It is one way of releasing stress in my head, and a good way to express our love to somebody.. next week i will start my praktikum and i will do the best i can. Do u know u made me really want to be like u, doing da best u can in ur work, and wow i really impressed. U juz dnt know how much i like u until this is written, until then got to say goodbye, take care dear..

long and abe man