7 days left...

dont know what to do,yeah ppl feel happy when getting married and feel enthusiast about it, but dont know la kind of weird..wish u tell me wat to do..

again im dreaming

thatday i dreamt of u teaching somewhere, seeing you but i turned away, really dont know what's the meaning..

dream again?

again after praying subuh and slept on sejadah, i dreamt of you wearing a full suit of Baju Melayu with the samping and songkok, gold..which is so nice that u look like ure getting married and u smiled to me, still nothing changed, and my feelings will remain the same..

a poem?

a cloudy evening..and a cup of coffee..what cud be more wonderful,..

27-02-2009

just came back from the school and also to auntie shop, photocpy da handouts for next week., huh so tired.. my eyes are getitng sleepier but my brain still working things out especially u. dont knw y suddenly thinking of u..maybe cos my right eyes twitched a lot today, i also dnt knw why. See again it twitched, im so mad at myself, then i felt so bad at myself, that i may have done somethng wrong ppl call it as infidelity. Yeah my frens said i am doing it right now..and now here i am, crying again. I felt so bad doing it to you when im supposed not to. And i felt so bad that i have to live with someone i barely knew him now which is nt my 1st option. My life as a bachelorette will soon end, ,and i will live with him forever and ever ..Huh wat a thought...i really wish can end this now, but how?? by wishing to die faster? Or wishing that i'll be given another chance with u..(which is nt possible), and be grateful wit wat i had. Sory dear, i've done whatever i could do , but nothing can stop me thinking of u., oh God, take me into ur arms, cause i miss u so much and im afraid i will go against u, plz...the day is coming nearer, wont u let me go this time, then i can stay forever with u... Huh again the tears seem dont know how to stop...

All da best to u dear...

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déjà vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, ohhh

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

light on..

think of it..

Never really said too much
Afraid it wouldn't be enough
Just try to keep my spirits up
When there's no point in grieving
Doesn't matter anyway
Words could never make me stay
Words will never take my place
When you know I'm leaving

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone

You know we've been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don't know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that I have ever believed in

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone

Sometimes it feels like we've run out of luck
When the signal keeps on breaking up
When the wires cross in my brain
You'll start my heart again
When I come along

Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I'm gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it's late at night you can look inside
You won't feel so alone

04022009

Salam. Today is a good day but not really. Got a severe headache that make me really can't concentrate in the class. While it is good that i'm still alive despite the not so well feelings i have these few days. Really i cant forget him, that day when im sitting in the mosque in Batu Feringgi listening to the kuliah magrib, suddenly i shed some tears and felt that i really miss him.. and that made me wanted to ask him how is he doing at that time. And i got a good reply, which made i am really grateful that he's ok with his life. And that's juz enough for me to ease the worries i had before.
Do u know dear, i think i rather do not disturb u from that day onwards, coz now i know u can survive without me, as u mentioned before that u would be ok without me as if i never affected u in any ways. Well that's good, i rather suffered alone than letting others suffered bcos of me. Hmm i think this is the reason i chose him, as i dont want ppl to suffer bcos of me, and still u asked is it ur behaviour that made me chose him. When u hurt me wit ur words, i rather think that's not u saying it, that u r juz being honest. U see how postive my view towards u. u may nvr find a so optimistic lady like this in the future hehe. Well it may look not so important to u, but it is for me. When i defended someone wit all my heart, but i failed, it's really painful juz like ur holding somethg and u dropped it.
My Most Merciful God of the universe, i pray that you will forgive all my sins from the day i was born until now, if i have hurt many feelings of human being, you got to forgive me too, cos i am weak and even thou trying to be stronger, i am still a weak human being. My Lord, i wish that everybody will get their true love one day, and i mean spouses for each of them, that really fits their characters, attitudes, whether good or not that they really realize that they are made for each other. I hope you will grant this man a lady that is so good that one day he would forget me as he never met at all. Well it is not his fault to meet me this way, as im the one started all of this. And i really hope u will do so as soon as possible cos i really want to see him happy everyday by her side, certainly wit someone can take care of him. He is not so good with his routine, keep on skipping the meals and work all day, so you really got to save him from those things. Huh i have so many wishes that you already know cos u can read me, so i guess i dont have to write it more. I really want to ask u my Lord, why i cant get rid of this feelings until now, am i being so emotional, or am i being foolish to like someone for no reasons, are u trying to put a test on me so i will be more grateful in my life? But honestly this is a real test, sometimes im afraid of being unloyal to my husband one day, or i may juz exaggerating it huhu. Never mind, i'll do my best, like my lecturer said, buat sehabis baik.
It really feel good to write like this, i hope my pupils in the future will learn to be serious in writing and really fond of it. ( now suddenly my pupils as other character huhu ). It is one way of releasing stress in my head, and a good way to express our love to somebody.. next week i will start my praktikum and i will do the best i can. Do u know u made me really want to be like u, doing da best u can in ur work, and wow i really impressed. U juz dnt know how much i like u until this is written, until then got to say goodbye, take care dear..

long and abe man

faizz

my mum

my respected leader of da family!!

Cintanya berada di dalam hamba-hambanya
Yang saling mencintai serta saling berkasih sayang,
Merasakan bersama keagungan rasanya cinta
Menuju ke hadiratnya kerana cinta yang dirasai
Bersama itu berasal dari Dia…
Al-Rahman
Sang maha pengasih

Ilahi anta maqsudi
Waaridha qamathlubi
Ya Allah,
Dengan namumu kami berpagi
Dengan namamu kami berpetang
Dengan namamu kami wafat
Dan kepadamu kami akan bangkit
Dan kepadamu kami akan kembali..

cinta?

Cintailah olehmu makhluk yang di bumi
Nescaya dia (tuhan) yang di langit akan mencintaimu..

Pada hari kiamat, Allah akan berfirman
Dimanakah orang2 yang saling mencintai kerana keagunganku?
Hari ini Aku akan melindungi mereka,
Kerana tidak ada perlindungan
Selain daripada perlindungan-Aku…
Hadis qudsi

...

Dengan hanya melihat
Serta membiarkan
Cinta antara kita termusnah
Akan membuatkan dunia ciptaannya
Yang maha sempurna ini
Yang maha indah ini
Yang maha damai ini
Serta yang maha megah ini
Tidak sesuai lagi didiami
Kerana cintanya
Dimana tempat kita semua berlindung
Serta berteduh
Berada semakin jauh daripada kita

Kata Tuhan
Kamu tidak akan masuk syurga
Kecuali kalau kamu beriman
Dan tidaklah beriman kalau
Kamu belum saling berkasih sayang

Maukah kamu
Aku tunjukkan sesuatu yang
Bilamana kamu kerjakan
Kamu akan berkasih sayang
Antara satu sama lain
Maka

Tebarkanlah salam di antara kamu..

damai di hati...

Aku termenung di bawah mentari
Di antara megahnya alam ini
Menikmati indahnya kasihmu
Ku rasakan damainya hatiku

Sabdamu bagaikan air yg mengalir
Basahi panas terik dihatiku
Menerangi semua jalanku
Kurasakan tenteramnya hatiku

Jgnla biarkan damai ini pergi
Jgn biarkan semuanya berlalu
Hanya padamu tuhan
Tptku berteduh
Dari semua kepalsuan dunia

Bilaku jauh dari dirimu…
Akanku tempuh semua perjalanan
Agar selalu ada dekatmu
Biar kurasakan lembutnya kasihmu

dearest you..

Salam how are you? Have u watched Blind Date? The story about a man who is blind and still he managed to live in this world of many chaos without many problems. The title is really catchy, when you see it then maybe u will say about dates that are arranged by other people. But besides the meaning, the other meaning is telling us about a real blind person who wants to live like other normal people do, so his brother arranges many dates for him. The funny thing is the girls are all not his type, which he rejects all of them without even sleeping with them! And the funnier thing is many girls have crush on him as he is quite a handsome guy with gorgeous eyes and red lips. Finally he met an Indian gurl who is working at the clinic where he wants to have a surgery there and from that day, something special sparkles between them. But unfortunately the gurl is already engaged to an Indian man who pretends to live the Indian lifestyle whereby he follows the Western already! What a hypocrite.. but love conquers it all,, and finally the blind man gets what he want, simple a pure love is what he wants, no more than that. U see sometimes love conquer it all, but always it happened in the movies, not in real life, that's a reality...till then meet you again, quoting urs Allah knows best..

Story of my life

Once i heard in Bambino, one who has no focus in what they are doing now, in present, has no rights to say anything related to their future, meaning their dreams. So now even i'm in really painful time, Allah knows best how i feel at this time, i still think that i dont have the rights to say anything about my hope to him, or what i really feel about him. I still didn't focus to my work, im going to be a teacher and still i have not the quality to be the best teacher indeed. That's why now i need to regain my strength, and do whatever i can in my power to focus on my work, my task and anything that enables me to be a good teacher. Furthermore im partially bonded to someone, and i cant break my sweet promises to him (another him) in about 5 more months. Aaah!!!! i just need to shout and shout until the death comes upon me and take my life now. I dont regret at all on what has happened to me for the past few months from last year until now, cause i feel really happy with him. No such word can tell how i like him to be my something ( u know what i meant), i dont know everytime i think of the idea of getting away from him, i would feel really sad. I have a question that really triggers my mind, what really happens in my future? And maybe i still have a future with him someday maybe 20 years later or something like that. Is this feelings real? Do i really honest when i say i really want him to be the one i would cherish for the rest of my life? And do Allah grant me something special that i dont know the good of it until i know it? Or maybe He want to test me with something then to see how well i can take it as a faithful human being? I dont know, it would all left with question marks in my head.
Now im making a really serious decision about life, whether i go on contacting him or not. I had lied to him that i want him to be my brother, when in other words i want him to stay close to me. But thats the only way i had at this time. Or maybe i dont contact him at all and left everything unsettled like that. By this way he still put me in his list and continues to pray for me in his dua'.
And for the sake of the man that loves me so much, i really thankful to God cause he loves me so much and wants to make me his wife. I think it happens so fast that i couldnt have time to breathe at all. Once i prayed, if one is destined to be my husband, then the path would be so clear and it runs so smooth that nobody can stop it. Well now it happens, really happens to me. I guess this is what they call fate, you cant stop it, its not even in my power to control my life as it is. At first i really rejects the idea of him wanna come into my life. But later i dont know why Allah has softened my heart to accept him as the way he is. Seems weird but it is real. I've rejected him twice, and still he got the courage to ask me for the last time where i dont have the hearts to say no. i shud give him a chance to love, and i should give myself a chance to be loved. Soon i wud become his wife and got to do everything a good wife should do. Well it's not so hard to do that, aint it?
If you read this one day, as you had wished long before, you will always stay in my heart until this heart stops its beat. And i know you'll find a gud lady one day, really good that soon you will forget me like you never meet me before. Thanks for everything, you taught me so much the meaning of being myself. Even you like to boast as i said it, perasan hehe, but i know u mean nothing at all, even tho you hurt me a lot, i still think its not ur fault, and its me who didnt understand u, maybe im being to sensitive abt it, yeah my heart is like the ice, easy to melt even in the fridge hehe. But tho u hurt me, u dont forget to say sorry and admit ur mistakes, which i really like it and it made me feel guilty instead. Funny aint it, but you have changed me as i view the world. Even you asked me to be redha wit wat happen and make the best of my deen, and see im doing what you asked me to do so. Hope u feel happy wit wat i 've done to keep my deen safe and secure.
You 've asked me many tymes wat are the reasons i fall for u. hmm really love is somethg gifted from Allah to me, and we were destined to meet this way and end it this way. I said before i really hope one wud show me the right way to be a gud muslimah, and i think u are the one who can do that. But as we plan, Allah plans too and His plans are certainly much much better than ours.
Last but not least, i considered this is more or less a letter that wud be the first and the last i wrote it to u. cause now u know my position in this matter, and u can take my name from ur list now. I never regret we have met this way, thanks a lot for ur advise and everything u've done, as u said guess we are not meant to be now, in the future as well maybe. So honestly even tho we cant be that way, i hope we can be frens or u can be my brother as i wished last tyme. I really mean it, and if i get married one day, hope u will be coming cause u can give the gift that u promise hehe. (im joking). Thats all until now, if u dont want to contact me later after this, i rather think that is ur rights to do so, after all i wud be nobody to u , till then .......meet you again, jazakumullah...